Social competence is a vital ingredient for anyone wishing to be successful.

A July 17th USA Today article discussed how social competence is mostly developed and recognized as early as kindergarten.  Here are some of the findings published in the American Journal of Public Health after a 20-year study of over 750 children from kindergarten through age 25:

  • Kindergartners with strong social skills were more likely to succeed academically and professionally than their peers.
  • They were more likely to graduate high school on time, get a college degree and hold full-time jobs.
  • Social competence proved to be a better indicator of success than race, sex, or family income.
  • Those who possessed self-control, one important aspect of social competence, were healthier and wealthier than their peers in their early-30s.

So what does social competence and the title of this post, The Top New Leadership Lesson I Learned In The Last Month, have to do with each other?

The Top New Leadership Lesson I Learned In The Last Month is how many decisions affecting our lives are made when we are NOT in the room.

Think about it.  How many decisions regarding the future of your life were made when you were not in the room?

  • Scholarship offers.
  • Whom to hire when an organization is looking for talent.
  • Promotions
  • Leadership assignments at your church.
  • Compensation
  • Whether you are approved for a loan or not?
  • When your company downsizes should you be retained or not?

The reality is most decisions affecting you happen when you are not in the room.  Therefore, it is important to be as nice to as many people as possible.

This is not manipulative.  It is social competence.  It is serving people.  It is living a life with no regrets.

I once had a supervisor tell me, “Brian, be careful what toes you step on.  They may one day be attached to the backside you have to kiss.”

Successful leaders do not burn bridges.  They build them.

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